


By Grapthar (sic) -OR- Five times someone flubbed that stupid line and one time they were corrected

by godsdaisiechain (preux)



Category: Galaxy Quest (1999)
Genre: Misunderstandings, Other, by Grabthar's Hammer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 05:26:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5855896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/preux/pseuds/godsdaisiechain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five days Alexander’s sexuality was questioned.  And one day they argued about the stupid line.</p>
            </blockquote>





	By Grapthar (sic) -OR- Five times someone flubbed that stupid line and one time they were corrected

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this before I heard the news about Alan Rickman. 
> 
> Yes, I know I misspelled "Grabthar." It's part of the joke.

**The Day Galaxy Quest was Cancelled.**  
“By Grapthar’s hammer!”  Jason crowed, yanking open the shower door and spilling beer on Alexander’s feet.  It must have been another fun night. These publicity tours always turned into a fun night for Jason.  It just wasn’t fair.  “My room is full of groupies.  I thought you would be off with that Shakespeare friend of yours.”  
  
Alexander still stiffened (in more places than one).  He’d always hated being so well hung, and his unrequited crush on Jason, always a burden, was more uncomfortable than usual when he was naked and erect.  
  
“You were never serious about the craft, Jason,” Alexander retorted, lifting an eyebrow in a pointed manner.  “Any craft.” The one disastrous night that Jason had tried to be Alexander’s lover—the result of some potent drug given to him by a fan—hovered between them in memory, bloodier and more gruesome than Banquo.  
  
“That’s like real corn-fed Iowa beef,” Jason slurred before collapsing on the bathroom tiles.  Alexander sighed, hefted Jason into the spare bed.  Jason tossed. “Cancelled,” he moaned again and again.  
  
Alexander sighed.  He would do well enough on stage again. William had said so, at least. He’d never wanted much, after all.   
  
**The Day Mathazar Appeared**  
Jason chose his pants with care.  He’d be seeing Gwen.  Maybe this would be the day he got lucky there, finally.  Of course, she was close to Alexander.  He might have told her about that one terrible night.  What had he been thinking?  Had he been thinking? Had someone dared him?  
  
At the convention, Alexander refused to say the line until prodded.  “Iowa beef,” Jason covered his mouth and coughed.   
  
Alexander rolled his eyes.  “By Grapthar’s hammer, I shall be avenged,”  he said.  
  
“You shall be avenged,” Guy said.  “By Grabthar’s Hammer. You should know the line by now.”  
  
“Who is this guy?” Tommy asked.  
  
“Guy,” said Guy.  “I’m Guy.”  
  
“That’s what I said, Guy,” said Alexander.  “I shall be avenged.”  
  
Gwen, coming back from another photo shoot with an improbable grouping of women dressed up as Tawny Madison, frowned at Alexander, then at Jason, who was chatting up a Lt. Uhura. “Did William leave with that Harrison Ford lookalike?”  
  
Alexander shrugged.  “He’s just a friend, Gwen. He came to ask me to fill in for their Banquo.”  
  
“Hubba hubba,” said Fred, spreading cheese whiz on a cracker.  
  
  
**The Day Jason Showed them the Real Ship**  
Alexander watched Laliari.  She seemed to be the only Thermian who understood what Jason had not been telling them.  Yes, there she was, showing Gwen how to use the food replicator.  And pointing Fred in the right direction. And again. And then pretending to lose his paper bag of snacks.  
  
Later, Gwen took him aside. “I never knew it was all real.  Why didn’t Jason tell us?”  
  
Alexander sighed, “He didn’t know, Gwen.  He brought us as soon as he did know.  He always brought us along when he could.”  
  
Gwen didn’t quite believe that.  “I thought he was never serious about the craft.”  
  
“He is serious about friendship.” Gwen went to go repeat things the computer said.  
  
Alexander felt a squeeze at his elbow.  “Thanks,” Jason murmured.  
  
“I owed you for slipping me that cold baked potato. Just don’t spill beer on me when I’m in the shower.”  
  
“I never knew the two of you girl talked about me,” said Jason.   
  
“You never knew a lot of things,” said Alexander.  “You were never serious about the craft.”  
  
“And you were never serious about that Will.  The one with the crush on you.”  
  
“He’s just a friend, Jason.  I think Quellek needs me.”  
  
**The Day they Killed Serris**  
“Is it true love?” Gwen asked Alexander afterward.  “Like the announcer said?”  
  
Alexander had no idea how Jason felt.  Or how Gwen felt, for that matter. “Apologies, but not for me, Gwen.  I never really fancied you.”  
  
Gwen laughed.  “I fancied you, Alexander.  A lot of girls did.  It’s a shame you’re gay.”  
  
Alexander dropped the Big Gulp William had gotten him, which fortunately only scattered ice cubes at their feet.  After three days with almost no food on The Protector, he was desperate enough to imbibe sugary soft drinks in mass quantities.  “I’m not gay, Gwen.”  
  
Gwen flashed annoyance, then laughed at herself.  “Then why didn’t you fancy me?”  
  
“I lost my wife before the show.  It was easier to let everyone think…”  
  
“But what about what Jason said?”  Alexander blushed.  
  
“I like men, too.”  
  
“Ah,” said Gwen. “This shouldn’t be so hard for you, Alexander.  Not here. Not now. Besides, he comes to every convention just to see you.”  
  
“The heart wants what the heart wants.”  
  
“And what does the heart want?”  
  
“Damned if I know.”  
  
**The Day After the new Galaxy Quest Show was Released**  
Alexander woke up to an unfamiliar presence in his bed. It was highly disconcerting, as he had no idea at first blush who it could be.  He turned to find a pedicured foot on the pillow.  
  
“Mrph,” said the owner of the foot.   
  
“By Grapthar’s Hammer,” said Alexander.  
  
The foot’s owner went very still then thrashed until its head popped out from the covers. It was William.  Dark-eyed William, who was delectable in the obvious sort of way that left Alexander cold.  Obviously very hung over. “Alexander? What the hell are you doing in my hotel room?”  
  
“It’s my apartment, William.”  
  
William took this in. “Oh.  Do I have a hotel room?”  
  
“No. You live across town.”  
  
“Did we?”  
  
Alexander made a quick assessment.  They both appeared to be fully dressed.  “Unlikely.”  
  
“Good.  You know we never really fancied each other that way.”  William sat up, took in their crumpled suits.  
  
Alexander smiled in relief.  “Gwen thought you did. So did Jason.”  
  
“I fancied her a bit,” said William. “So it worked, then?  The ruse?”  
  
Alexander shrugged.  “I thought you wanted me to fill in for…”  
  
“Yes. I did.  And to do that two-man show at the holidays.  Good times.” William rubbed his hair so that it stuck up all over and not just on one side.  “Was I a good date at least?”  
  
“The best,” said Alexander.  “No one will ever suspect we aren’t a closet couple.”  
  
“I certainly don’t,” said William, tumbling to the floor.  “I don’t mean to be nosy, but what’s your deal anyway?  You were married when I met you and then….”  
  
“Indeed. Then.  I’ll tell you more when I know, William.”  
  
“Good.”  



End file.
